Divorce All-Stars: Heather Mills & Sir Paul McCartney

Things seemed great for Paul and Heather at the start. They had a fairytale wedding, complete with castle and signature song. Oh, but then…

Things started going south after the birth of their child. Then things went from south to knock down, drag out war. Heather blamed the marriage’s demise on one of Paul’s older children and made various claims of abuse. Paul’s team countered with Heather’s own words found in happy anecdotes featured in a book released by Heather in 2006.

Heather fired her lawyer and began representing herself in the proceedings and asked for £125 million. Paul countered with nearly £16 million. They finally settled at nearly £25 million plus yearly support payments. To add insult to injury, during the judgement the presiding judge praised Paul’s handling of the case and scolded Heather for giving inaccurate and inconsistent evidence.

While money can’t buy you love, it can buy you freedom.

McCartney seems to have found L-O-V-E with Barbara Walters’ niece but I think it’s Martha who will always have the crooner’s heart.

Respectfully,
James J. Sexton

Divorce All-Stars: Madonna & Her (Former) Guy

Gather round, kids, it’s time for your #throwbackthursday divorce story of the week!

Once upon a time (in 2000), just around the time Madonna started pretending to be English, Madonna and Guy were married. They married in a Scottish castle just after their son was born and teamed up together to work on a very terrible film. Thankfully they decided to keep their careers separate following the movie’s epic flop and kept sailing along adding another child to their brood in 2006.

BUT THEN.

Rumors soon started swirling that there was trouble in paradise. They confirmed the split was legit by explaining they couldn’t “bear to live with the pretense any longer,” (#UGH) because Madonna must always be the most dramatic Madonna she can possibly be, at all times. But don’t cry for her (Argentina). 

The divorce proceedings were seemingly tame, and the settlement was finalized in 2008 with Madonna agreeing to pay out Guy something in the ballpark of $80 million. They split custody of their children, though Guy received full custody of Madonna’s English accent.

It was all very posh and everyone lived happily ever after. 

The End.

'Til Conscious Uncoupling Do Us Part

Around this time last year, I tuned into celebrity gossip for a brief moment when I heard about Gwyneth Paltrow’s grave announcement that she and her husband were divorcing—or to put it more Gwyneth-ly, “consciously uncoupling.” She released a statement about this, along with an explanation of conscious uncoupling from a guru, on her website Goop. This was put alongside equally realistic Goop items, like her exploration of the healing powers of “moon juice” and “spirit truffles.” (Surely those aren’t included in the “food stamp challenge” she recently attempted. Hey, at least we're talking about it... But, I digress.)

By the end of the day I received phone calls and emails from, literally, dozens of my friends and family members asking if I had heard about this “new” way of divorcing. It was difficult to suppress the combination yawn/gag inspired by Ms. Paltrow’s missive.

I’ve devoted my life’s work to helping couples, eh, “uncouple,” so absolutely no judgment from me on that front. Divorces for everyone! You will get no complaints from me. Though I did have to raise an eyebrow at the statement “We have always conducted our relationship privately”; indeed, so privately that Goop.com got so much traffic after this was posted that it crashed! Well played, Gwyneth P.

In all seriousness, I’m sure Gwyneth Paltrow is a perfectly likable person in real life, and probably even a regular human woman, rather than a floating ethereal aura. Her brand has done well, and maybe she really has brought happiness to many, through her outreach via expensive candles. And if renaming divorce makes us feel better, then so be it. (I should possibly add a “Conscious Uncoupling” section to my website.)

The idea of a ‘friendly divorce’ has been around for a long time. My firm gets a lot of press for our “take no prisoners” aggressive approach when the situation requires it - but we resolve countless divorces each year by simple discussions and friendly negotiations. I love a good fight (what can I say - it’s a side effect of being good at fighting) but I love a happy client more. That’s why I, and all good divorce lawyers, will always work hard to give you a divorce that looks more like a “conscious uncoupling” than a “War of the Roses”. We’ve been doing that for years. There’s nothing “new” about being friendly to someone you’re going to have to see at your children’s weddings someday. This is simply a new term for a very old concept (and GP didn’t come up with it - a therapist named Katherine Woodward Thomas did - a bunch of years earlier).

I feel I need to say, though, that one of the things I have learned in my particular line of work is that uncoupling is not generally done while anyone is unconscious. For legal reasons I think it’s important for everyone to understand this--you can’t divorce anyone who is unconscious so congratulations - You, too, have reached the G.P. level of sophistication we all previously thought was impossible.

Respectfully,

James J. Sexton